Late
morning. Stomach is growling to get some breakfast while Shoreline Jellyfish
taking her own sweet time to get up.
Little
Wench: Okay, there is nothing in the kitchen. What do you guys wanna eat?
(sleepy) Shoreline
Jellyfish: We need bread and butter. And since you’re the only one who’s taken
a shower already, would you please be a sweetheart and go get it.?
Little
Wench: Yeah, sure.
At this,
Shoreline Jellyfish curls up and struggles to open her eyes.
Shoreline
Jellyfish: Suno!
Little
Wench: Yeah?
Shoreline
Jellyfish: Now that you’re being a sweetheart, would you do me another favour?
Little
Wench: Of course. What is it?
Shoreline
Jellyfish: It’s a pretty morning. please
thode boobs dikha do!
Wearing a blue
t-shirt a little too big for her in front of a window big enough to be called
an entrance, she tries to adjust the stuff around her one more time since he’s
left- A half read book, a gifted summery dress with ketchup stains from lunch
yesterday, a long unfinished to-do list, her old lingerie she loves and a new
lip balm she’s not too fond of, that, and a clock lying next to her laptop far
too lazy to show up time. It’s a perfect rainy morning!
This is
Little Wench’s second morning in the new city, and after a long time she feels
like herself again. While trying to finish a project, a line she read yesterday
from the book kept popping up in her head to mull over. “Charlie, we all accept the love we think we deserve.”
It’s from a
copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower she’s reading currently that was gifted
to the Shoreline Jellyfish by her then boyfriend. Penned by Stephen Chbosky, it
has a rather kitschy appeal in the first look itself apart from having Emma Watson on its cover page from the
movie adaptation. Yes, that same movie!
As introspective
as Charlie is, and as much as he grows with the story; this is hands down the
best piece of wisdom he receives within first 25 pages of the book. But can you
really measure how much love are you worthy of? And if you can, how do you
really know the love you have (or you think you do) is actually your real
worth?
“When I was a kid,” Wench started telling the inquisitive Kuala, “I used to have a separate box where I used to keep all things I got for myself but never used. Reason? I found them too pretty for myself. And so, the pretty earrings mom got me, or the fancy top I bought last summer, or that lovely boy’s lovely handmade cards, all found refuge in that box. Something you so want to have, but not something you think you deserve.” The box may have got lost somewhere in the storage room, but the idea still hasn’t.
We all
create this fun-filled, spectacular life frames for ourselves encompassing
every quintessential ingredient behind the supposed recipe of being happy- we
hang out with the cool crowd, listen to some amazing music that we like (or
have seen people liking), we attend some great
get-togethers on weekends or have intense discussion about the
last book we read that changed your life.
But at the same
time, simultaneously, you find yourself fine-tuning every now and then. Whether it’s showing how you like that band a little more than you actually do
or picking up that occasional smoke because the party has moved from the table
to the smoke room; whether it’s bombastically agreeing with your colleague
about that sushi you tried but in reality, played with it more than you could
eat or subconsciously letting someone treat you in a way that just isn’t you
because well, you like (or worse, love) them.
A week
later, somewhere around 3 am, Wench gets to relive this feeling. She’s watching
the movie version of the book with her new city’s favourite and a now-cold
slice of pizza. She is buzzed with how equally great movie adaptations of great
books can be, if treated right…and then the tunnel scene happens.
The scene
starts at a fast pace as they enter the tunnel driving together. The wind is
unabashed and at the same time caressing Sam as she decides to stand on her
open truck. The music merges with the setting, the characters and with you. And you are with
people you love, people who know the real you, the weird you, and people who
love you for it. And there Wench had her moment of epiphany.
As hard as
it sounds to believe, your worth is much more than those approving nods, those
frequent self-doubts and definitely more than those clichéd moments where you
‘need’ to participate because you’d be obviously weird if you didn’t.
As for
deserving the love, Wench always has the option to fall back upon cheesecakes
and clove mix until it’s figured.
